What Is An Elder?
by Jane Valencia
"Everything happens because we have Elders"
- Paul Raphael,
This sentence was almost a refrain (at least in my mind!) at "The Mind
Of Mentoring" workshop taught by Wilderness Awareness School founder,
Jon Young, last June. The message was clear: a healthy whole
community must have Elders. If each person in whatever stage they are
at in the cycle of life is to be wholly honored, appreciated,
supported, and initiated - from the youngest child, to youth, to young
adults, to adults/parents - there must be Elders to be honored and
turned to first. Elders offer the gifts of their perspective, their
experience, the community's experience, and their own vision. They
offer compassion, steadfastness in the face of challenge, and the
willingness to sit with you during the dark times because they are
well aware what the darkness is like and they too have experienced
life's mysteries.
Elders look to the gifts of the young children and the vision of the
youth, knowing that these gifts and places of vision are exactly
what's needed for the survival of a community. They look to those who
are struggling, and see that these people are in the place of
opportunity and growth, that they are on the threshold of a deepening
of self. They look to the adults at midlife to make sure they are
doing the work they are meant to do, having the opportunity to
practice being elders, and growing in their responsibilities and
skills so that in time these adults too can pass those skills to the
next generation, eventually taking up the role of Elder: guiding and
watching the community.
Elders guide invisibly, watching what goes on around them, noticing
each person and what they do and how they do it. They may say a word
here and there to one of those midlife adults, requesting that some
opportunity be opened for that struggling youth to demonstrate what he
is capable of, to stretch what he thinks is possible of him or
herself. An elder looks for the right kind of trouble (the kind that
allows for growth), and for the wrong kind of trouble (the kind that
will bring a people down). She or he will sit down with you and tell you
like it is -- firmly guiding you into that dark cave to face what you
don't want to see but must. An Elder will be with the children, as
excited and entranced by the banana slug gliding up a tree trunk as
the youngest child. These are just some of the qualities of an Elder.
Here are a few more:
- an Elder truly sees and is committed to seeing each person in the fullness
of herself.
- an Elder models a respectful, honoring way of being, and is a peacemaker
- an Elder has integrated his/her experiences and often is aware of what
needs to be done, but knows that each person needs the opportunity to
step into their potential, to figure out for themselves what needs
to be done. An Elder will hold a space for that to happen, looking to
make sure that others are providing room for that potential to express
itself.
- an Elder has the support of other committed Elders
- an Elder is committed to community, legacy, spirit, the earth, the
children. They are the 'library' of the tribe
Whew! That's a long list, and probably not one that's complete. In
our western culture we have sadly lost the thread of the Elders, and
have, instead "Olders" -- men and women removed (or who have removed
themselves) from the pageant of community, who feel as if their 'glory
days are gone', and who have no vision to offer in service to the next
generations (if those visions would be heard anyway). In creating a
'mentoring culture' whose framework is inspired by the common ground
of many wise traditions as well as by the rhythms and lessons of
nature's cycles, Wilderness Awareness School, has embraced the idea
that Elders are essential to the health and grounding of a community -
whether that community is an organization, a program for children, or
some other grouping of individuals and activity.
Elders offer a broad perspective, and an opportunity for reflection
when things get messy. They offer grounding, stability, and the
opportunity for peace. They embody a group or program's 'central
fire', and give us all the opportunity to offer a certain kind of
respect to these individuals who we honor as 'masters of the school of
life' (a quote by William H. Thomas published in YES! A Journal of
Positive Futures in their Fall 2005 issue devoted to Elders).
In this age where we are struggling to reweave the ripped fabric of
culture, we often choose individuals to take on the role of 'Elder',
to sit in that chair of the Elder, even when they don't feel they are
wise or old, much less the 'masters of the school of life'. Perhaps
no one ever feels 'ready' to assume that role, even in those
cultures that have maintained a continuous tradition. What we are
doing is believing in the energy of the Elder, its archetype. We are
trusting in the ideal of the Elder and trusting that this energy will
teach all of us, especially the person 'wearing' the role, what to do.
When we can, we allow space and the spirit of play so the person can
figure out for his or herself what Elderhood is all about.
We also acknowledge that the person in that Elder chair is human, like
each one of us, and that he or she will make 10,000 mistakes in the
process of growth, and may face any number of challenges both internally
and externally. We agree to support our Elder on this journey.
When we offer respect and honoring to our Elders, we are honoring that
place and possibility in ourselves. Each one of us has an 'elder'
sitting hy the fire of our heart, offering guidance and wisdom, and
keeping us open to living in a good way. We just need to sit beside
that Elder and watch, listen and consider. In this time of cultural
reweaving, we are all called to begin "seeing through the eyes of the
Elder".
YES! a journal of positive futures, Fall 2005, issue devoted to
"respecting elders, becoming elders"
"The Second Adventure Of Life: Reinventing Mentors and Elders"
audiocassette series by Michael Meade. Available through the Mosaic
Multicultural Foundation
Claiming Your Place By The Fire: Living The Second Half Of Your Life
On Purpose by Richard J. Leider and David A. Shapiro
Wisdomkeepers: Meetings With Native American Spiritual Elders by Steve
Wall and Harvey Arden
... plus any of Wilderness Awareness
School's mentoring offerings: "Coyote Mentoring", "Art of
Mentoring", etc.
Before we choose our Elders we need to have a sense about what qualities
we are looking for in an Elder. We need to be aware that everyone carries
both gifts and 'wounds', so we don't just choose anyone older than us
to act as an Elder. That said, we can regard each person older than us
as an Elder -- whether we choose them to hold that role in our community
or not. We can offer special consideration and respect to these people
who have walked the earth longer than we have, who have had experiences
that we all can learn from. By extension, we can offer respect and honor
to our youth and to young children, for they are the grandmothers and
grandfathers of future generations.
For more about Elders:
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